Author and entrepreneur Comfort Rexford believes her first book can be an inspiration to women, regardless of their marital status.
Rexford recently published “Arranged Marriage: The Dilemma of an African Girl,” which details her own arranged marriage more than 30 years ago in Ghana. Rexford is using the book as a launching point for her business, ConnieLove, which includes personal development coaching, speaking engagements and mentoring other women.
“My marriage was arranged and I want to help the young women, whether they’re in an arranged marriage or not, to understand that a relationship is work. It’s tough,” said the Athens resident, who has two children and one granddaughter. “Now that I’ve been through all this, the main reason I wrote a book was people used to say that people in an arranged marriage stay together longer.
“Women don’t always stay longer because they’re happy. Sometimes, they stay for their kids, or their family won’t let them leave. I told my whole family I’d rather die than to stay in this marriage. And sometimes people stay because they’re afraid they can’t take care of themselves.”
The first six chapters of “Arranged Marriage” detail Rexford’s memories as a young woman.
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“My father divorced my mother when I was 3 years old because he thought I wasn’t going to survive,” she said. “The reason I’m teaching love is because my mother loved me so much, and I believe that’s why I survived. And at 18 my mother passed away and at 22 my family put me in an arranged marriage.”
Rexford said that her husband was considerably older than her when they married and even with two children, she was far from satisfied with the relationship. When the family moved to Mississippi in 1992, Rexford began to make plans and the couple separated in 2007.
“At first it was OK, but then we grew apart,” said Rexford. “He was 13 years older than me and we had nothing in common. We had two kids, and 19 years ago I left him. … I had wanted to leave seven years before that. At that time, I was so ready.
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“I left with $60 in my hand and I didn’t care. I was a little afraid of the unknown, but I’d been taking care of myself since I was 10 years old in Ghana, so deep down I knew I could take care of myself. I had faith, so I just left.”
The rest of “Arranged Marriage” details Rexford’s views on life and her advice for other women.
“I want to teach women to love themselves and put themselves first,” she said. “Most of the time, we’re the last person and we’re drained. You have to take care of yourself and then you can take care of the rest of your family.
“Happiness comes from within and that’s what I want women to know. I’m 57 years old, so I feel I have something to teach women with things that I wish someone had told me 20, 30, 40 and even 50 years ago. That’s the message I want to share with the world – you’re stronger than you think, but you have to learn how to tap into that strength.”
Rexford said her book wasn’t strictly for women in arranged marriages.
“It’s for all women, because we’re more alike than we know,” she said. “People aren’t in arranged marriages, but they are in toxic relationships, which is basically the same.”
“Arranged Marriage” is available through Amazon and Barnes & Noble and can also be purchased through Rexford’s website, www.conniecomfort.com.
