Book club has been like therapy to me, an anchor in an otherwise constantly changing and turbulent world. More than anything else, the real joy has been the friendships forged over the 10 years of our small group of women meeting regularly. To begin with, our common link was that our children were at the same school, we didn’t know each other personally. But slowly, over time, we gained an insight into each other’s lives. Together, we navigate the choppy waters of life, from the early years of parenthood to menopause, through career changes, loss, illness and relationship breakdowns.
Our format is simple; we meet once a month, taking turns to host in our own homes. Whoever is hosting proposes three options for the next book which we take a vote on, and they provide some drinks and nibbles to enjoy as we discuss the book, our families and our lives. There are five of us in the club, which seems to be the magic number – too many and it feels like a panel discussion, too few and it’s insufficient for a range of opinions.
Through book club, these ladies have been to my home more often than many other close friends, and I to theirs. We bump into partners, see children growing up and witness the nuances and changes of each other’s lives. The quality of conversations and the range of issues discussed while analysing each book have led to a deeper understanding not just of the plot, but also of each other. Taking a deep dive into character and narrative, conflict and resolution, can reveal almost as much about our own lives as those portrayed in the novels. Books provide a route into topics and opinions which we would be unlikely to cover in a casual get-together: relationships, politics, human rights, loss, poverty, love, immigration – anything thrown up by what we read.
Over the last ten years, I’ve thrived on the openness of this forum of women, on how supportive, safe, tolerant and non-judgemental our space has become. I’ve learnt to deal with differences of opinion as well as how to assert my own, having had a tendency to shy away from confrontation and be agreeable, even when I don’t agree. It’s been fascinating to see how an issue can be interpreted in different ways depending on a person’s own experience and perspective. Book club reminds me how much there is to learn from others.
We cooed over Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus together, were enthralled by Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens and captivated by The Year of the Runaways by Sunjeev Sahota. It’s also been thrilling to uncover exciting new genres, such as magic realism (I’d recommend In the Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern) and to fall in love with books I would never have picked out myself (Anthony Doerr’s All the Light We Cannot See comes to mind).
Over lockdown, our book club moved to video call sessions and eventually picnic meetings in the park, as rules changed. We found an escape from the turmoil of that period, travelling the world vicariously through The Venice Sketchbook by Rhys Bowen, The Island by Victoria Hislop or The Little Paris Bookshop by Nina George. We relied on each other, not just during the pandemic, but right across the decade we’ve been members of our book club, sharing in each other’s sorrows and celebrating our joys. When a member is feeling troubled or weak, we rally round to bolster her up. We’ve inspired each other to take bold steps, such as career changes, house moves or leaving relationships that were going nowhere. The sense of empowerment we gain through our book club has spilled over into our daily lives, for the better.
Of course, every book club is different, and I feel as though I have lucked out in being part of one which provides such joy, comfort and intrigue to my life. I’d encourage anyone considering setting up a book club to give it a go. It can take a while for a clutch of personalities to tune into each other and to find your flow, but I promise it’s well worth the effort.
How to set up a book club: top tips
Choose the date when you will next meet at the end of each session, when you’re all there together. It’s much easier than reams of group Whatsapp messages to coordinate with each other’s schedules.
Set expectations early on. What types of books will you read and how will you choose them? Are you hoping for a light-hearted discussion or do you want to weigh up the literary significance of each novel? For us, it was clear from the start that more than intellectual stimulation, we wanted it to be fun.
Consider a blend of personalities in your group. Our book club consists of five strong, opinionated women, from different backgrounds and places in the world who live in the same area. There are quieter members and when they speak, we hang onto their every word. And there are outspoken members who jump right into even the most explosive topics, but we’re all respectful of each other’s views. It’s a perfect cocktail, with each element harmonising and no single flavour dominating.
Angela Zaher is a freelance writer with a focus on food and our emotional connection to it. Follow her on Instagram @angela_zaher.
