Chartered psychologist Jess Baker will deliver a message of hope at Bishop’s Stortford Library when she talks about her new book.
Her award-winning publication, co-authored with partner and fellow psychologist Rod Vincent, is The Super-Helper Syndrome: A Survival Guide for Compassionate People.
Librarian Ben Holden has been engrossed in the book and is looking forward to her presentation on Thursday (June 20) at 7pm.
“The talk will be of interest to anyone with caring responsibilities,” said Ben. “The book aims to help establish a ‘healthy helper mindset’ with activities to work through and plenty of sage advice from years of helping those who help to the detriment of their own wellbeing.
“I’ve been reading it and it’s not your typical self-help; it contains lots of biography of Jess’s upbringing with a difficult mother and her personal journey towards establishing a healthy helping mindset.”
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Jess is an award-winning leadership coach who began a career in public healthcare before retraining as a business psychologist.
Over 1,000 have benefitted from her online Tame Your Inner Critic programme. She speaks at conferences and festivals and is regularly commissioned to write about wellbeing.
She also comments on leadership, psychology at work and mental health for magazines, newspapers and national radio, and assists charities including the NSPCC, CarersUK and Zero Suicide Alliance.
The Super-Helper Syndrome: A Survival Guide for Compassionate People is Jess’s first book, but Rod is already an accomplished poet and prize-winning storyteller, published in Poetry Ireland Review, Stand and The Rialto, and the Iron Book of New Humorous Verse. He also writes the lyrics and plays bass as one half of O’Reilly & Vincent.
Before putting pen to paper, the couple had discussed the psychology of super-helpers for months as they walked together in the Shropshire hills. Those conversations about people who were highly empathic and overly focused on looking after others – those in their care, friends or colleagues – spending little or no time caring for themselves, were the foundation of the book.
Writing together was enlightening. Jess said: “I wouldn’t say [it was] ‘easy’, but I would say that the process was eye-opening: despite being partners for 18 years, we found we still had a lot to learn about each other.
“We have very different learning and communicating styles, which, when you’re literally sitting at the same computer debating every word, can be challenging, but it was extremely rewarding.”
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The result is a book with a string of positive reviews. Carers UK said: “It goes well beyond reminding us of the importance of self-care and digs deep into unconscious beliefs and thinking patterns. I’m very sure that everyone could relate to the super-helper syndrome.”
Jess drew on some painful experiences in her own life.
“I wasn’t originally going to include my personal story in the book, but when the editor pushed for it, explaining to me that it could help the reader to know that I had actually experienced some of the super-helper syndrome myself and continue to work through it, then I decided to share some of my story; how I was brought up to be the carer, giver, helper in relation to my mother,” she said.
“My primary role, even as a young child, was to meet her needs. She taught me that when I was good and helpful I was worthy of her love.”
Jess may talk about those experiences at the library, but said: “My main focus will be to elucidate the new concept, ‘super-helper syndrome’, describe some of the negative effects helping others can have on us, as well as the many benefits too!”
Her message at the presentation will be clear: “There is hope! You can be a healthy helper: you can choose who you help, when you help and how you help others; you can say no to requests for help without feeling guilty.
“I’ll share three different approaches on how to avoid ‘super-helper syndrome’: how to set healthy helping boundaries, how to let go of irrational beliefs that maintain unhealthy helping habits and explain the power of self-compassion.”
Jess’s key advice is: “You deserve to give yourself the same level of compassion that you readily give to others.”
Tickets for her talk cost £5 and are available from https://tinyurl.com/37e447hj.
The library has three copies of The Super-Helper Syndrome: A Survival Guide for Compassionate People up for grabs along with three pairs of tickets.
Simply answer this question: According to the 2021 Census, what is the estimated number of unpaid carers in England and Wales? Send your entry to benjamin.holden@hertfordshire.gov.uk.
